first draft of written report is ready.. finally i can have more sleep. i was ready to zonk out ytd but i forced my self to keep awake and continue to have my engines turning. in a group, there are bound to be people whom u wish could have been in another group, just not yours. but that's life. u cant choose who u want to work with and i guess this is sth u have to live with.

today i just completed my napfa test. there were only 6 of us doing since 4 of us have ponned pc lesons for dunno how many times already. i dunno wat's up with sit and reach this station. why is it that a flexible person will score less than a person who is much less flexible? i can't understand! and im super pissed cos im flexible but yet i scored 39 cm. this proves that this station has gt nothing to do with one's flexibility, it has gt to do with sth else! like how far u're from the thing i suppose.

just came back from cell and had a great time laughing. before that, watched caiyun, siokyit, cherie, denise, shermaine perform their choir duty, and i tried to follow their actions. it seems so fun! i would surely join next year. but for now i would just go to the front there and support them, together with ro and the rest.

Show me the pain
Open my heart and tear it apart
Humiliate me and shame me
Hurt my heart badly like what hurts yours
Bring me to my knees
Make me cry out to the One in heaven
Show me the meaning of thorough defeat
Then bring me to the frontlines
Make me witness the suffering out there in the battle zone
Search my heart and know my thoughts
Use my greatest fears to attack me
Till I'm trembling and sprawling on the ground
WIth tears streaming down uncontrollably
Then show me the truth
The situation which is dying for people to know
Show me your heart
And perhaps I'll understand
Maybe it'll not be very clear to me
But just a small part is enough
For your work to be done
I see my own insignificance in the world
But I'm as precious as the others in your eyes
All it takes is a single willing person
You'll do the rest.

I'm addicted to yui. i just like her songs so much. going to je swimming centre on mon with rp, yj and some others. oh how i look forward to dat day. i think my heart will burst of the excitement. btw, i learnt today dat it's really, really, really imp to hold your tongue. im just the sort of person who speaks before she can think. And it's also insensitivity on my part. so sorry, i made you cry.. first time see someone cry because of my words and im so guilty lol... but things are ok now, thank goodness.



took this from pastor eugene's blog. =)

sometimes we just get too comfortable wth the way things are going. We like to be in our comfort zones, so much so that when God gives us a call to rise up and fight, we become unwilling to do it. To plunge straight into combat zone for God is not something which could be easily done. I think for me, i would need a lot of courage and the willingness to serve Him, knowing that He died for me and what i can do is never enough to repay Him. Recently, i think im in a sort of rough patch. ive been contemplating about something, whether to continue or not, after all giving up is a better and easier way of escape, even though it can't solve any problems. but to just give up seems a more appealing option to me, never mind the consequences i have to face later. im just this sort of person. when my heart grows weary and becomes heavy over time, i will just try to find ways to escape it, instead of trying to combat the problem. u can say that im a coward and an extremely worrisome coward. sometimes i just can't seem to stop worrying about things, like what's going to happen next, will there be even a chance for me to overcome this? what should i do? even after knowing God, fears and worries for the present situation and future can still get to me occassionally. fortunately im not the only one who feels this way too. Long ago God's people also faced the same sort of feelings. Moses, too, felt uncertain when God told Him to do something. It's obvious that God wanted Him to do as he's told but yet he tried to give excuses like how he can't possible do it since he's not that great and blah blah. Well, im not refering to the 100k blessing campaign when i said im facing some problems of my own. im sure ill get over that as more time passes. time is said to be a healer but for me, i think time is nto a healer, it's just an aid. the real person who can heal all kinds of sicknesses, whether emotionally or ohysically, is Jesus Christ. i was terribly dreading this particular problem, i really don't want to face it, partly because i feel that im not up to it, partly beacause of my lack of confidence, also because of my unwillingness to leave my comfort zone. Crying in front of God is not being weak. it shows that u're thoroughly humiliated in front of Him and so all the more He is able to heal when a person is earnestly seeking Him and when he's finally let go of his over-inflated ego. Seek Him i did and he gave me this verse, which encouraged me, at least just a little.

Psalm 145:13-15, 18-19

13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.
The LORD is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.

14 The LORD upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.

15 The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.

18 The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.

19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.

Somehow, i still can't be thoroughly consoled. i still felt afraid and dread is really filling me up and pulling me down. i even got irritated at the slightest things when i came home today. i guess this is a really moody day for me. but as what Jackie Pullinger said, that we get fired up as we go... ill just continue to pray to God and ask Him for His strength to carry me through... and i know that he is a God who always keeps His promises. After all, im His precious daughter...

Oh, how i crave for someone's love and protection
Someone who will always be there when i need him
Someone whom i can trust with all my life
And who will never ever fail me
I felt lost
When all along there's no need to be
Since He's there already for me
Always stretching out His hand
Ever wating so partiently for me to hold it
He's been there right from the start
And He'll also be by my side till the very end.

anw, honestly, is project work helping us jc students at all? i suppose so, since we have to work with different people and do research and stuff. but still, i doubt it's usefulness. it seems to have brought me nothing but tiredness. endless things to find out, too many ends still left untied. im still waiting for the surveys to be done. and how about that one interview? this fri is the deadline for the 1st draft. somehow when i think that it's a school-based deadline and there are still more time till the final one should be ready, i can relax just that bit. now they're even saying that with a 'c' in pw, u may not be able to get into a good uni, despite ur higher than average grades. i wonder if that's indeed true. anw, y do we have to change pw teachers? i like our present one very much! haiz. hope the new one is not far too behind..

argh argh argh argh. the june holidays are too short! i regretted again for my management of time. It is really quite amazing since i've not touched on any schoolwork other than fer my gp news articles since the beginning of the hols. and now that school is just the next day, im so sad dat ive not touched on the maths and econs assignments, except for 1 maths question only. i feel like such a failure. why do i always leave things till the very last minute before finally feeling the anxiety? To think all these while i've been slacking! honestly im very disappointed in myself. Up till date, there has not been a single period of hols which i really made full use of. in fact i think for all the hols i had ive really been slacking! even during o levels, the june hols is very important for us to revise our work but what have i done instead? slack. argh. i really hope that the next hol for me will be really productive. at least i should curb my 'leaving assignments not done until school reopens already' symdrome. and assignments are counted as our overall yearly assessment! argh. i actually did feel so worried just now when i realised my hw status. i felt that life sucks because of school. haiz. but i thank God that He's still so faithful. Im really determined to learn from this lesson, never to be last minute again when it comes to schoolwork. argh, i can feel the dread pulling my heart down when i think of school and my blank assignments. don't think ill be able to sleep early tmr because econs is due on tuesday! argh. im seriously lacking in sleep. a study found out that most teenagers said that they are lacking in sleep and the most common reason of all is because of their hobbies. hobbies.. or addictions to things which we like to do. argh. computer computer, why do you have to be invented by some genius who has nothing else to do?

Hold my hand... and never let me go.

Couldn't go for the whole cell advance so only went on the second day for pulau ubin.

Scenery after we reached the top. The waters are so blue, really feel like swimming in it, it's so hot after we climbed up! But it's quite scary looking down from the cliff.

On our trip back to the mainland. View from our boat.

Yingxin and Cherie.

The hike is better than i expected. It's not as tiring and long as described by some people. Had to be leader for my group, which I really hated. Gathering group members, making sure everyone is there, getting everyone's spirits high, collecting the money for the boat trips. All these are the supposed jobs of the leader BUT i didn't accomplish that at all, well, except for the money collecting part which i did, not knowing what was happening. Always someone else in the group would have to take over the role as leader. I feel relieved but yet i feel useless too. I suppose it's easier to blame on my tiredness (as usual, i slept late reading online manga) and so leading to my disspiritedness but i know that i'm not a really extroverted person. To take on the role of a leader, whom people look up to and respect, i guess is much of a difficulty for me. I'm more of a follow-the-rest-of-the-group sort than the hey-let's-be-high sort. yea..

The morning session was about the 100k challenge. God gave each of us a key verse to prepare for this particular upcoming warfare. Mine is Psalm 68:9-10

9 You gave abundant showers, O God; you refreshed your weary inheritance.
10 Your people settled in it, and from your bounty, O God, you provided for the poor.

Honestly, i don't understand this verse at all. But i think it may be that God, whose heart is always for the poor, the lost and the needy will give plentiful blessings to them, should the occasion calls for it or when these people cry out in thirst of Him. For them, they need more of God's love and since God's heart is always towards them, He'll take compassion with them and provide them with those that they need. Should they even stretch out their hands and cry out to the Lord, God will be heartened and more than satisfied for this recognition. He wouldn't turn His back against the poor and He's always yearning and searching for the chance to make known the knowledge of Christ to those people whom He absolutely love so much.

Kelly said something which really made me think. "If we truly know God's heart, our lives will be very different." God loves His people so much. He naturally wants to help them and couldn't stand to see the suffering we're inflicting on each other. It's about being really selfless and putting other people first. To be a blessing rather than to receive. Should we be able to bless people, it goes to show that we're already very blessed. Knowing this, what would we have done differently? Would we still think that instead of being committed to Him, we would rather spend our time on mugging or other things like going out with friends or playing computer games? Knowing His heart for the people is different from acting it out and truly committing yourself to that very same cause that brought Jesus Christ here in the first place.

OMG i like yui the jrock singer so much!!! She's so cute and talented (she only learnt to play the guitar and songwriting when she's 16!). usually she's quiet but when she sings she shines like a star. Also, she doesn't have the airs of a celebrity and she didn't try to conform to a cool image or what. She's just being herself. I think that's really admirable. *going ga-ga over her* And i have to listen to her songs every day! I really like her songs and her voice. So simple yet catchy, pure and true to her feelings. The song 'Goodbye days' didn't really strike me at first when i listened to it while watching her debut movie but then i couldn't get it out of my mind later.. it's plain yet catchy.. ahh... how to describe.. i also dunno.. she just rules..

really, really tired. i think i would be able to fall asleep immediately after hitting the pillow.

Hebrews 12: 1-3
Therefore, since we are surronded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders andthe sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Joseph won, even when life for him hadn't worked out the way he planned.

We're living and we can't change that fact. There are sure to be situations in which we find ourselves being thrown into which we can't handle and we feel overwhelmed. We feel helpless since we don't know how to deal with the problems we're facing. But yet, we should never give up. Since this is life, we have to deal with it's negative side effects too. Because we can be sure that we will never be alone, we have hope. Hope is about trusting even when we can't see a spark of light in the darkness.

God is too good to be unkind.
God is too wise to be confused.
When i cannot trace His hand,
I can always trust His heart.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Have you ever had a dream? Perhaps one that you have held onto when you're younger but as time goes by and as we face the realities of life, the dream which was held so dearly previously has lost it's former place and impotance.

Once, which was not very long ago, i had this dream and i thought for sure that that is what God has placed in my heart but now, i'm not that sure of it at all. It's a ridiculously big dream which i dun think anyone else has so it's quite embarassing to say it now, but my close friends know about it though. i kept asking God. I thought it's what He wants me to do but I'm wrong, because i dun see any doors opened to me at all, or even windows. Perhapes it's because i've not even took any substantial steps to become closer to my dream. All i know is that my heart has hardened and i dun think that dream which i had is going to last anymore. i really want to know the truth, if it's that what He really wants me to have and fulfil.

looking forward to 100k campaign. blessings.. yeah..

had pw discussion today and im so glad abt it.. ive been worrying abt pw fer like days and i can't do much abt it cos i was at 2 camps..fortunately we're not scolded or wat for doing so little work.. so happy!!! things are finally on track and we finally noe wat exactly to do........ *sigh* so relieved. lol... thanks God.. i was telling God about how i dunno wat to do abt pw anymore.. we need to find mass com students to do the surveys but somehow we cant (dat trip to ntu is a disaster). i told Him dat ill leave the project to Him since i can't seem to find the heart to continue and i dun noe where to start even.. thanks be to Him, who will always make things right. it's not dat if u're a christian den things should always go smoothly for u, there are still problems but we can count on a wonderful God to look after us, without fail. yippee~

Youth camp is amazing. the ministry session is even more powerful than encounter camp. God just brought me back to the cross during the song 'Come, Holy Spirit'. I thought that i was always ever that strong in Him, that really, my faith in Him will not waver. But i was wrong. it seems that we always have to seek the Lord. We do things, thinking that it's for Him and sometimes when our relationship with Him is not renewed, when we begin to rely on our own strength instead, our hearts are hardened and living for God becomes like a routine, like something which we must do, which we are even compelled to do. All along i didn't realise the reason why God put me in those trying moments in the first place. maybe that's why i was feelins so empty during the worship session. i was thinking to myself, all the things that happened, why did they even happen? i just felt so tired running this race and constantly trying to overcome that particular problem. Then i started to cry so badly until pastor julie came to pray for me... the presence of the holy spirit is very strong and that caused me to weep even harder. God is telling me that no matter what happens, He is all for me and His love is so great it will transcends all difficulties. it seems that all these while, ive been unconsciously worrying, even if me myself thought that i was really giving up all my burdens onto Him. i knew that He is there, really there, and i felt it with His strong presence. so i gave myself up to crying out to Him and to cast my burdened self to Him. Now that i look back on hindsight, i realise that we often need to renew our relationship with God, that's why going to service is such an important thing, because then will we have the chance to experience Him all over again. otherwise over time, our hearts will harden and we might even doubt His existence, His love and even our worthiness. i really like the chapel at the marine parade tc, it was the place where God brought me back to Him again and my passion for Him is buring even more strongly. It is also the place where i was slain, after that regrettable encounter camp last time. i could have been slain at that time but i stubbornly refused to fall in His presence, cos i wanted to preserve my pride. and i truly regretted that moment when i chose my pride over Him instead. ha, now im so glad. and being slain is so cool, to rest in God's presence, who doesn't want that?

Then i went back to the tent first and laid there, i was asking God why was i still feeling burdened.. as usual, God reminded me not to burden myself with thinking that no one understands my problems, it is enough just for Him to understand me, since He is the one who will understand me the most thoroughly. yupps, so this camp has really brought our relationship even closer. it gave us messages from God too, like how each of us are running different races, like how each of us have our own different lives to lead, different decisions to make, different challenges to face. No one else can run the race for another and each can only run his own race, then can that race be ran the best. no one else may understand. but God understands. and that really is enough.

Psalm 46:1-3
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

4/5 gathering is great. i really miss my secondary class so much. they say the best friends in life are made in secondary schools, that is like so true. i feel that even after much time of not seeing each other, the wheels of time have just been started again once we gather together. and we click so well together, not that are like so nice, not that the new frens i made in a new school are not, but it's just that connection. jc is really different from secondary schools, particularly abt those friends u make, whether they will ever last u till a long time.

service today is even more great since alot of us just came back from youth camp and the atmosphere is different from usual. youths gearing up and roaring for God. and im one of them! so glad that i went to youth camp. i went, knowing that we will learn more abt God, yet ive got more things which ive not expected, like personal messages and how ive known more ppl in church.

soccer camp just one day after my youth camp, is there an even better combination? much as i hate it (all the physical stuff are really tiring!), i have to go, and since God places me in this school and everything else, they are all for my own good.. yea..

btw, i was late for p.e. today for like around 30 mins and that equals to nothing, like zero attendance, so i have to go for one more time to make up for that. AHH!! and it's like not even my fault!!!! ive to pass my fren sth and she was LATE!!!!!! she's late so im late. ha. but it's not like i had nth to gained, she treated me to a bottle of ponk dolphin! lol..

100k blessings at east coast on the last day of youth camp is great. weather is hot so ppl must be happy to receive water right? ha, but apparently there are some ppl who thought that we're selling the water or that we want donations in return, there's even a woman whom i approached just immediately said no thanks after i mentioned that i was from faith community baptist church. ha, this is called allergy to churches and Christianity.. well, but still we managed to bless plenty of ppl in the hot weather.

oh, sth that really made an impact on us.. on the 2nd third morning, for some reason we got up at 5 am instead of 7am (ha, fortunately i slept early, think was asleep by 1145!) and we are just singing this song abt jesus on a vessel and doing the actions and stuff. then after we're being dismissed, this woman just came up to p. julie and said," what would Jesus say to a crying woman?" and then she just started to cry, right there in front of strangers. p. julie was shocked and couldn't say anything more than," Jesus would say that He loves you and God loves you too." it turned out that this woman was previously a Christian who backslided and for some reasons she just lost faith in God due to some problems faced. she qouted bible verses from her finger tips and even asked if we're from fcbc. then the funny thing is that p. julie started to look around herself to see if there's anything indicating that we're from fcbc. ha, there's nth around that said that we're from fcbc but still. God must have told her that. the thing is when God moves, He moves and nothing will stop Him. we did nth at all in particular to touch this woman's heart but it is God who worked. ultimately, God is the one working his miracles and should we not have woken up at 5 am, this woman would not have been ministered to and her life would continue be the same as before. God just works in brilliant ways and it's unpredictable about what might happen, really.

churchwide prayer meeting on wed, hope i would not fall asleep like what i did today. (this is supposed to be a secret) also, looking forward to bringing blessings to 20 ppl around me. 100 k campaign is really for us to rise up as His warriors. We will go to war! We have fought the good fight, we have finished the race, we have kept the faith!! ;-)

youth camp tmr and i still haven packed my bag. anw work at robinsons is finally over ha. class bbq on sat dunno if can make it in time but i wan to go cos i miss 4/5 so much. *wails.

i slacked the whole day ytd watching bleach cos im really lagging behind (im still at ep 110 now!). so i didn't study gp until 11 pm and i tried to get the things into my head but i couldn't continue reading the thick notes anymore since there are so much of them to go over and it's so boring. anw my bro said dat im noisy so i thought dat it's a good excuse fer me to go sleep. den i couldn't sleep and i think i was awake throughout the next 2 hours. im thinking about random stuff for 2 whole hours... also i suppose my body is already tuned to sleeping early in the morning. but im determined to get my sleeping routine back on track. 11 pm to bed and 6 to 7 am wake up. ok, den i was late for gp cos i woke up at 9 when the test is supposed to start at 9. but shirley chan was late so that bought me some time. got my dad to send me so dat's how i reached school in about 20 mins. im such a pro. hahaha. but i left 10 (or is it 12?) marks blank for the content based sections!!!! 10 marks.. 10 marks.. out of 30 marks. and without doubt im most likely to fail for dat test. i suppose i could still rely on the other one but i wouldn't bet on it. i left 10 marks blank cos of the stupid job. i can't possibly be late lol.. den priscilla said which is more important, test or money. den i wanted to say god but it's not in the choices so i said $. really. dat gp test is like just a test. and so wat if i failed dat one test. at first im whining abt it but den later i tout it's just a test.. at least i got some marks for those qns i attempted. ha. the $5 is really easy to earn. there are like so few ppl since the gss has been over fer 2 weeks. the work is easy and seriously i actually wanted there to be more customers so dat i can have something to do!so after around 8 hours of continous standing, my legs are soaked full of lemon juice. den cos june called me to ask where am i so i answered and den the manager just suddenly popped out and he was like so acting tough and fierce. he actually wanted to confiscate my phone but later he decided not to. he was that typical kind of mean manager who thinks that since he has the power and the authourity he could put on a dissatisfied and black face every time. seriouly i dun think he noes how to smile. den xiufen the girl working in the same area as us told me not to cry, ha, i guess i looked sad. lol. i wanted to tell the manager,"if u want to fire me den just do so, i dun wan to take this crap from u." cos he's acting like a teacher towards a student when the student has done sth wrong, the difference is that a teacher scolds a student out of concern for the student but he?? i wan to collect all the shitty attitude he showed and shove them rite back. but i cant do dat lol since im in the wrong in the first place. still it's his stuck-up everything dat made me frustrated at the time. seriously, i came only to stand in for my fren and i dun need the job and i think if he really confiscated my phone den ill tell him dat ill quit. it's like so lame. so what if im a student i have my rights too! but cos god is good the manager decided to just show me dat shitty attitude of his for a few mins den he returned me my phone. so much fer action. or perhaps he thinks im not worthy enough to take up his precious time. he has much more scowling and supervising to do. just one more day hahaa... going to get ro's present too..

well. this is the only post which is fer myself. ha. going to catch up on bleach now instead of sleeping. im tired but the thought of bleach just wakes me up. hee. btw i like hitsugaya more and more!

Lord you are the one who gives me strength
All the times when I couldn’t seem to carry on
When things seemed impossible to overcome
I despaired and cried out to you
Knowing that despite the impenetrable darkness
There is an ever glowing light
Small, weak and extinguishable it may seem
But yet the flame is always glowing infinitely
Much as the darkness may seem intolerable
Hope is still ever present with you around
You’re not the one hiding, it’s me
And when I finally search for you
You never fail me
You’re the source of the light and the origin of hope
Hope is always at where you are
I open my heart to you
Abandoned all worries, all troubles
Knowing that since you’re here and I’m willing
There’s nothing left to fail
The vast possibilities of the future
I can be scared, I can be uncertain
But the one thing sticks through despite the circumstances
Nothing that could ever happen would take you away from me
You’re always right by my side
Me needing you and you supporting me
There is nothing to be fearful of
Since you will always be there, all for me.

Ok, im really guilty because up till now, ive not done a single thing related to schoolwork. And to think there’s a gp test just one day away. And we have to memorise the points and the supporting details! English has never been a memorizing subject yet when it comes to jc, we have to memorise???!! Oh, there’s going to be 2 tests, the content based is the one which is really sucky. Well, I think im just going to read the notes a lot of times, maybe at least 3 times. I sure as not want to MEMORISE, for goodness’ sake. Anw, I still am unclear if memorizing is really necessary for gp. Well, I guess it’s not about memorizing but it’s more abt knowing what to write when it comes to that topic. And if you’re well versed in current affairs, u’re supposed to be a pro at gp. Think ive really had to be reading the papers every single day. (ive not even finished reading 1 copy of time since the beginning of the year, I actually wanted to make an attempt at finishing reading some of them, but honestly they’re so boring that it takes an effort to not fall asleep) god bless me for my efforts at studying #*@% gp…

Footprints Also Known As "I Had a Dream"

One night I dreamed a dream.I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.

"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

Margaret Fishback Powers, 1964

ok, i just deleted this whole chunk of things i wrote abt a jjc couple i saw on a bus today. cos i guess i would come across as a crazy and super conservative obasang who's being overeactive and too high strung about trivial things like that. so, all i would say now is that that couple really grossed me out. and i really want to tell the guy this, "u think u're so cool, just because you're good-looking, have a good-looking girlfriend and so u can be so public abt ur intimate acts. then u're perspective to life is really narrow." yea, i guess ive now really come across as a super conservative dork who's jealous of other ppl because they're in a relationship.

well, the thing is, young ppl, starting even as young as since primary schools, are feeling the pressure to get attached, cos everyone around them are doing it and they'll really be left out if they dun have a boy/galfriend too. this is the evil fear of being rejected by their friends. also, probably the trend now is to have a so-called stead. if u dun have one, then u're unpopular and u're not cool. then there is also the possibility that the raging hormones are getting their way and ppl feel the urge to get intimate with ppl from the opp sex. well, watever reasons there may be, out of primal instincts or insecure feelings, this getting into a relationship thing while u're still so young is really pervasive across singapore.

sisters in christ! we must guard our hearts. it's easy for us to fantasize abt a certain tall, handsome knight in shining armour to come rescue us out of our current dismal situations but in reality it's different. true love exists but it's difficult to find it. and it wun do good if both parties got into a relationship just because they like each other in that special sense. if so, then it'll not be love which binds them together, but just a sense of wanting to be attached and wanting to be seen being attached. well, im not implying that true love can't be found when u're young. just that it's better to wait till a more mature age. otherwise, if u experience break-ups while u're still in a tender age, then ur heart will be scared. and when that one true guy comes along, u would have been left with just a fraction of ur heart to give him. now that wouldn't be very nice for ur husband.

oh, one more thing abt this topic. we're always looking for love. it's natural. and when we're attached, we may think that we're being loved and that we're so happy and satisfied. but ur search for love will never be successful and will never be over unless you finally find God. God made us in such a way that our hearts have a God-shaped void. without knowing Him, that void will never be filled and our lives will never be complete. how can a child not recognise or accept his Father? for some ppl they use substitutes to fill up that void, whether it's studies or work. but yet at the end of the day, u ask them why are they working to hard? what do they want out of their lives? then, u realise they can't really answer because without God, there is no purpose in life. even so, that purpose or that secret dream u've harboured, they are just distractions, from the real purpose God has for you. some ppl have everything but yet they have nothing because all the things they have, it all comes down to nothing in the end. take for instance, saddam hussein. He has such wealth and power to the extent that he had gold plated taps and that with just a command, disguised by an invalid excuse, any person in his country could just be put to death. yet, He's lost. He's a lost soul, a poor child, a desperate sheep. thinking he has everything, that he is God, that he's awesomely great for all the power he has and the wealth he possesss.

fortune and fame are just temporary possessions. u can't take them along with u after u die. relationships with ppl may not be constant. ppl can change. but God will never change. His love is constant and He's still the same even before He created the world. and He'll never ever change. e still loves u as a million years ago as compared to now. That's the love which He can give. Never changing, never wavering, even for a split moment.

well, i have God and my search for love is complete. ill rather feast on the holy spirit than on food. fill myself with His presense and love than be contaminated. many a times, we think we're unloved so we resort to all kinds of tactics to feel loved and be loved. but only God can give true, perfect love.