my friend she's from a charismatic church and last week there was a healing session in which people with all kinds of illnesses and diseases can go up front for the pastor to pray for them. my fren has been nursing a torn ligament when she went up and miraculously the pain in her ankle had completely disappeared afterwards. a torn ligament takes quite a long time to heal and yet in just moments, god has healed her ankle. whoa.

ok this is the first soccer training that i had and i got bruises already haha. soccer is real tough, not like the soccer i had in mind, like running about in the field chasing after a ball, ok, it seems i have a lot to do on my knowledge of this sport haha. i didn't know that there r soo many things we have to work on. i almost want to just quit soccer and join the stupid library club when we have to throw the balls against the wall and use our heads to hit themwhe they bounce back. im really scared of doing that at first. i dun know y but im quite reserved on letting a ball hit my head. at first i headbutted the ball with my eyes closed but that made it worse cos i couldn't see and the ball hit my nose bridge instead. it's quite unpleasant. ok i really sound like a new-new-newbie here. hmph, with practice, lots of it, i can get a lot better and may even rival the boys eventually! heehee!

anyway our coach, a really funny and friendly guy, said that i look very serious and that when i dun smile i look arrogant. hmm, i know that i look as if someone owed me a hundred bucks if i dun smile but arrogant? haha, that's new. lol.. no wonder my friends say they dun dare to talk to me at first. hmm, den i must smile more, but den i will look like an idiot instead if i keep smiling all the way. heck, this is so troublesome, let it be if i look serious and fierce, at least i dun look like a clown, which is worse, haha..

my house is rono, the yellow banana house. i think its ok, in fact i quite like it as the name sounds cute (rooooooooo-noooooooo). but i dun think there's another soul in my class who liked it. my friends hate the colour haha...another thing in which i find myself standing alone on one side and the others on the opp side is about our civics tutor. i really like her, much to the distaste of my classmates. ok, she's not really that young and she cometimes seems as though she's talking to herself rather than to the class and ya she asks us a lot of times," Do you all know what im talking about?". but so what? i like her way of talking, she's not bitchy at all like the other history teacher and the way she teaches history is like telling us a story, not just any one story but one very interesting story indeed. really, she's like a kind lady just relaxing in the late afternoon and telling us little children (i get the feeling that she's treating us with kid-gloves) about the vast and interesting past. her slides are succinct and presented in such a way that they tell us the imp things without us falling asleep as they're not boring at all. ok, i sound as though im in love with this lady. haha. some of my classmates thought that im joking when i say that i like her and that i think she's intelligent (she doesn't look like she is but from the things she say like her opinions i think she's a person who thinks and reads alot). and so i feel really abnormal, as though im the odd one out. ha... perhaps its because that is my first ever history lesson (i didn't take history in sec 3 & 4) and so i think history is fascnating, ya that can explain why i like this teacher so much too.

i think we all come to school to have an education and since we're being assigned the different teachers, there's nothing we can do even if we happen to just dislike the teachers. i dun want my grades to suffer just because i lose interest in the subject because of an obnoxious teacher. the one who's taking the exams at the end of the day is me and to allow my feelings to get the better of me is like just so plain stupid.

we have to introduce ourselves today at econs and we have to say what are our passions and where do we see ourselves 10 years down the road. To my surprise the immediate thing i thought of was to say that my passion is god and i was actually hesitating whether i should say or not. im afraid that once i say, ill be ostracised among my class and be labelled as a religious freak, worse, i might have to bear the invisible 'stigma' of being a christian and the responsibility of trying to live up to other people's expectations of what i should be like as a christian.

it feels like indeed god wants me to face up to it when the soft toy that we've been passing was thrown right in front of me, to my feet, while i was still in my own dilemna. and so i thought well, jesus gave his life for me and now im actually ashamed of him? i went ahead with saying it, saying that my passion is for god. funny it is that the my econs tutor would think that i said my passion is forgot. that's really quite funny.the whole class was like so silent, it's true, i didn't exaggerate, it's like so silent that it's deafening.

the thing is that would we, as christians, dare to admit that we're christians and that we're for god, in front of strangers, people whom you don't know how they would react to your beliefs? when times like this come, i suppose you can tell who are the 'true' christians, as in the people who really love god. im glad that i did.

IF GOD IS FOR YOU, WHO CAN BE AGAINST YOU?

I really had fun today. me and ro played the swing at the market area near my house. we had loads of fun haha... we are like two big kids playing and she was even wearing her uniform lol den ppl walked by and from their looks i can tell that they think its strange for us to be playing the swing in such a public area.

the amazing thing is that we didn't feel embarrassed at all. that's the thing. there's a child in everyone of us and most ppl would definitely think twice before doing stupid or childish acts in public, in front of others, where u're in full critical view. im really glad dat we didn't care abt the opinions of others, like wat they would think of us. dat's really imp. it's imp to be confident in christ. the things we do, as long as they are not against god's teachings, wat's there to be afraid of?

The basket of blessings you have for me
You've prepared it since long ago
You wanted me to receive them all
Not one missing or one less
Yet you're unsure if i would accept it
My pride sets me apart from you
My stubbornness prevents me from taking a step forward
And I can't comprehend your perfect love
Surely it was too ridiculous to think
That such perfect love as yours exists
As much as I want to turn away I can't
Something in you attracted me so
Eventually my persistence gave way
I was subdued, willingly and gladly
How could I be so foolish initially
To think that you're anyone else but
My one and only Shepherd King
Jesus Christ

I prayed to God ytd night as i wanted to write sth since ive not written a poem for quite a long time... and shortly after He gave me this inspiration haa...

i think my school's system really sucks. there r NO make-up lessons during the march hols even for the 2nd intake ppl. and so rite now im really seriously lagging behind in my studies. even though im in the arts stream but still ive to study too. haiz. and we can only buy notes as a class so even until now, the forth day since school reopened i still haven't gotten a single set of notes. they're so pro.

i went for pistol tryouts ytd during cca open house. the person say i did quite well, dunno if she's trying to be friendly or wat. but even if i didn't get in i still have the library club, the slackest cca there is i think. hahahaha.

pc is going to get tougher but somehow i like the idea.. i like it when there r chances to push my body physically as i know that my heart is doing it's job hahaha.......

Dear Jesus Lao Ba,
Argh i truly admire you for your tolerance even for the very persons who spat at you for nothing you did wrongly. How can you withstand all that humiliation which you know you don't deserve at all? if it's me taking your place there up on the cross, i never would have done the same thing, i would definitely spit back at the idiotic person who spat at me in the first place. Nor would i ask the Lord to forgive them for what they did even if i know fully that they did those things to me as they were ignorant on their part and thus could not be blamed for their actions. I would ask the Lord instead to multiply the torture they set upon me to ten times, even more, so as to quench all my thirst for revenge. This is the very visible difference beween me, a mere being of the fellow mankind and you. History records you for who you are as being portrayed to us now, 2000 yrs later. Only stinking skunks would come up with equally foul and sickening twists to the facts of history and to dent your image in the eyes of mankind, that i truly abhore. I ask that you would pass your merciful nature to me so that i can stop wasting valuable time scolding and complaining about the unpleasant things i encounter in life. However i think i still have a long way to go should i want to reach the stage whereby i can kiss the very same person who shot me with a gun, without any hatred or contempt in me for that person. Christians are not whiners for they know the Lord's strength and patience. if i do sound like a pretentious holy cow who thinks highly superior of herself than sorry i can't change the way i am now just to please people. What i say or what i do i put God before anyone else so i can be sure that the things i say or do would please Him, which is the most important thing. Oh did i say before that im really proud to be a Christian? No i don't think so. IM REEALLY SOOOOO PROUD TO BE A CHRISTIAN!!! I can carry signboards announcing that im one and also wear many different accessories with the cross design just to show my delight that I know God. But of course there is a certain level of limitaion to the embarassing things one can do.

On friday last week im actually quite upset with something i heard from a metrosexual friend of mine. (He's a guy and yet he likes to gossip and he actually buffs his nails fer goodness sake) he told me that since this girl (i shall call her amanda in this case) and i are not in thesame class anymore he shall tell me that actually amanda badmouthed me in front of our other classmates. At the moment when i heard this i was shocked for this is the first time in my entire life when im actually backstabbed, in a way. Actually i knew of this long ago, about how amanda disliked me, from the way she looked at me and also from the way she gave me the cold shoulder. And i think i was hurt the moment i heard his words 'cause my suspicions have materialised. The feeling of rejection can never taste sweet or even be alright. Now, i must clarify this. I swear to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit that I HAVE NOT EVER DONE ANYTHING INTENTIONALLY TO UPSET, TEASE, HUMILIATE OR ANGER this girl. So i am very pissed at her. Even now, smokes of anger still linger in me while i am writing this. What i really want to do now is to dive into all the petty things like what she said of me that i myself know is untrue. Ha but im not a whiner. Christians are not complainers. So im going to end this topic now without me losing control of my inner frustration and before i begin to type stupid things. It is how well we can control our anger and still remain calm if we do not want to say or do things which cannot be erased or reversed.

Mayday is coming to imm this friday for the sale of tickets and for an autograph session too. i can't go cos of g12 conference.. aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........

im sooo looking forward to G12 conference... it'll be my first time going so i dunno what to expect but i sure am anticipating lots of excitement.. kelly said that those taiwanese ppl are very enthu about knowing God more.. like there was one time the pastor said that he would pray for all the ppl who would come forward and the tai ppl really literally ran there.. that's so great ha.. anyway im also looking forward to the commencement of lessons.. even until now, 2 mths after school reopened from the dec hols, i still am not studying.. except for the one time i studied from 10 pm to 2 am.. all for the sake of a bio test the next day.. and i haven even passed it.. looks like concentration and alertness of mind is better than all the mugging.. so i really took an exceptionally long break from studying.. when school starts after this march i will really be expected to be studying and not slacking and letting my already puny brain go to waste.. weird that i would miss studying when i hate it not too long ago.. looks like sth which we've done for a long time and which we've already viewed as part of our life since the moment we attend school cannot be completely annihilated from our system.. like the kiasu-ness of s'poreans would never be successfully kicked off from our inner core haha...

much as i want to go back to my studies i wonder if i would get sick of it not too long after i've returned to it... but what i would be doing would be my favourite LIT and plus i dun have to do sciences and spa and h2 maths anymore! hmmm i suppose i sound stupid saying that i dun like science since most of the smart ppl i see are from the science stream.. ha but i think im more intellectually developed on the right side of my cerebral hemispheres..ha i can still rmb this term hee hee..

going to kartworld in taman jurong sometime during march hols.. and i will not rent the beginner's kart! its... too... demeaning! haha.. just joking.. sometimes my head just swells a bit..

If only i could feelthis way all the time. This is the supreme feeling of knowing that im in good hands, knowing that come what may in the future, i have a backer who always never fails to back me up and who will always be there, as solid as a rock, when im in need. Eveything will come into order eventually and nothing at all will be unsolvable. Im feeling right on top of the world, all because of this sudden annoynomous sense of confidence that felt so overwhelming in me. It was so much it became overflowing and i thought that it would burst me through my saturation level. This amazing feeling comes not from my overconceited alter ego or even my inner hidden self but from someone above it all, yes you guessed right- the Lord! This endless fuel of strength came from Him. Through Him i gained the stength to face things on my own, no one else is needed, even my most trusted confidante. Just Him walking beside me, it's overempowering enough. Just the day befoer i remembered my past self, the one who was always worrying about the uncertainties of the future. Unexpected things could happen when we least expected it. If only i could predict the future, if only i could have a million back-up plans if things fail to succeed. Come today, i've changed so completely and im really glad for this change, which was brought about by God and Jesus. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if God had not given me so many opportunities to know Him, i suppose i would still remain as myself, the girl who is always fears the feeling of rejection from her family, from her friends. That's why im so glad that i know God. This is definitely for the better. I could give everything of mine away but i would not want to lose God or that one chance to know Him. He is that important to me, really. Without Him i would be like a lost sheep from its flock, a lost boat on the vast ocean, a lost stray puppy or even a runaway child. All i could say to describe the wonderful feeling of knowing Him and being with Him is that its fantastic.

I got the white tyson bag from num and i simply loved it! Even though i got scolded by my mum later but still it was worth it ha.. i have to get it the moment my eyes fell on it.. it was simply beautiful lol.. can't possibly keep carrying that old brown bag of mine when i put on my brown new school uni.. i'll look like a sack of potatoes haha..

Anyway heard from my good friend that num is set up by some people who have a different sex interest than the usual males.. that got us talking about these special group of ppl at once. i heard from another person that gays are actually very compassionate ppl and u can talk about all the unhappy things which you would otherwise bury them inside and still they would not be tired of listening to your crap, instead they would be so caring and apathetic.. that is really different from the average male.. we also talked about lesbian relationships.. how in most of these relationaships, one party usually takes on the more masculine role (think short cropped hair, guy shirts and pants) . the irony is that these girls they should abhore the opp sex right? and yet in a relationaship with the same sex, one of them has to act like a guy.. this goes to tell that the order of nature exists right from the very beginning for a reason.

During the last gp lesson i took i was nodding my head all the way, throughout the whol 1 hr.. i was simply tooooo tired! im sleeping at 2 am earliest for at least a week, imagine how that would take a toll on your body.. its not that i was mugging or doing anything constructive like that, i was simply doing things like cutting my neoprints, reading every page of the papers, watching tv programmes, etc. its a really bad habit.. i think i should get rid of it.. haha.. then i felt quite bad towards my gp teacher and i went to apologise to her. she was so kind and said that no she doesn't mind at all when students nod off in her class, probably because she doesn't meet this kind of students often.. then she was so funny she actually massaged me on my shoulders lol..

and i've decided that i want to go into the arts stream yeah!!!!!!! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! ive thought of it for quite some time before coming to make this important decision.. i was sure that i do not want to go into engineering for obvious reasons (physics is my arch enemy). also im not in favour of anything related to the sciences.. science is just not my forte.. i know that i would go into the arts and social sciences school in nus and under that, business add and psychology interest me.. my preferred choice is psychology.. but of course that is not my confirmed choice.. i would be taking econs e.lit and perhaps hist instead of geo and maths as my contrasting sci subject.. i would have to talk to God before i appeal to go into the arts stream.. idiotic me put sci stream as my 1st choice lol..

going to the huang's family dinner later at xiaoguilin.. lots of old folks would be there.. boring.