Being cast in an unfavourable light
No rooms for defense, no chance for objection
They threw him mercilessly into the cell
Using a false excuse, all for this purpose
To tear him down, to hear his cry
All while being the angelic victims
Halo still atop their heads
They looked harmless, even helpless
But beneath those weak and pitiable exteriors,
No one else knew
No one bothered to understand, to listen to his side of the story
The judgement is passed
The punishment is set
Without a fair trial
Time flew by during the persecution
They couldn't bear for the execution to be held off further
They can't afford for their cover to be blown
Their motives to be exposed
And after the cells are locked tight
When means of escape were sealed shut
While the champagnes flowed all night
No one remembered him.
ALone, suffering in his cell
Not taken of his speech
Just being robbed of his chance to speak
Since no one was willing to hear his story anyway.

it's hols for me already!!! i only went to school for 1 day this week and that's the last day of school, hahaha.. but there's still the idiotic op at 3 pm. somehow, i dunno if we're all heading in the right direction, having a pw tutor like that, somehow i couldn't respect him as a teacher, sorry for saying that but i can't stop myself from thinking that, haha..

DRAMA FEST IN JJC!!!! our class 07A01 is presenting a skit with a great script, with cerdits given to our dear victoria!! i like the script, think it's not too corny, manageable, has a meaning and most importantly, it is a TRAGEDY!!! BWAHAHA *evil laugh* somehow, ppl just loove tragedies, why is dat?? oh, and my role is to be the table, haha!! nah, just the backstage person, im not cut out to act, be it a stupid tree or what, haha.

man, i just love the muttons, they are sooo funni.

I was doing sth else entirely when this thought came into my mind, or rather I remembered that someone once commented this before, must be that psycho wire hair again. Is the concept of Christianity the same as communism? In communism, u have all people, regardless of their individual interests, acting as one body, for the sake for one person or aim. Individuality is forbidden and everyone is brainwashed into thinking that what they’re doing is for the sake of the better goodness, that what they’re doing is pleasing to the eyes of their mighty ruler. All these is actually similar to Christianity! Oh my, I didn’t noe that im a dog of the communists as well. Someone help drag my true self out of this disillusioned, heavily hoodwinked brainless mind of mine.

In Christianity, Christians think that Jesus is their rightful king, that he has the right to govern over their lives, that he is a completely perfect being, that what he tells them to do must be right. They put the interests of other people above theirs, they give thanks to their king and take it in their strides when they meet with mishaps, saying that god is testing them, strengthening them. Selfish ambitions are unheard of in true Christians as they strive to please god’s eyes. All in all, aren’t Christianity just like communism, the only difference being that one is a religion is thus does not affect people that much as the latter, which is a political dominance that once ur country is infested with it, its game over?

I saw this video once in north korea. Oh my, the poor people. They are like so totally brainwashed. Even when the doctors heal them of their blindness (which is a common suffering there), they thank their rulers instead of the doctors. In a father and daughter’s much emotional gratitude, they even went to kneel in front of the portraits and keep thanking them, saying long live our rulers that kind of thing. Man, it makes me wonder, what a terrible fate for one to be born into a communist country. All their lives they noe nth abt the outside world, nth further than their little closed shell. They happiness, their distress, their entire lives, from since they were born till they die of poor welfare entities, all depend on a few people. I wonder, is it fair for just a few people to hold this much power in their hands? And they dun even give a damn about the millions of people who shed tears over their actions everyday!

Does being a Christian rob one of his or her own identity (oh gosh, Stephen dedalus)? I believe so, in a way, it is true. However, unlike communism, Christians follow their king out of their own wish to do so, they are certainly not being forced. (how can u force a person to believe in sth anw, without using lies and half-truths, and Christianity sure isn’t sth based on that) Much unlike what the majority thinks, Christians are definitely not being brainwashed. I guess ppl have this kind of notion because of the way Christians view their leaders such as their pastors and the heads of the churches. They hold them in respect and actually trust them and what they say. Maybe it’s because of this simple faith that ppl mistake for foolish subservience and naivety. Take me for an example (although I can’t stand in for all Christians), for me to believe in sth, I need to see sth concrete, or at least, read or hear stuff that comes with concrete evidences, such as real-life accounts of various ppl. Without all these, asking me to believe that god is real even though we can’t see him is like telling me in a convincing and serious manner that pigs can indeed sprout wings and fly. If there are indeed that many ppl, not just a small handful but millions of ppl around the globe who claim that God is real, then there must be sth which is true for them to say this. After all, dun tell me that so many ppl are that brainless to believe what someone else tells them.

And the most imp thing of all, is that chirstianity is all about love. Yes, love (and in case some of u are straying away, it’s father-children innocent love thank you). In fact, it stems from the love which god has for us. Then what is the reason for him to create us for? We are not lovable, we destroy things, we are monsters in beautiful exteriors and we snub our very own creator. The only reason is that He truly loves us, that’s y he created us. He definitely doesn’t need us to complement Him for He is as powerful as He is already and He definitely didn’t create us because we bring him delight, far from it, we bring Him sadness and miseries. We couldn’t be a more stubborn bunch of living things anywhere else, who become caught up by our own lives, ignore the hard truth surrounding us and who so adamantly refuse to ‘be taken in’ as we so wittily put it.

this is a product of my random thoughts.. haha. doesn't it ever strike u that it's wonderful that God gave us minds of our owns? He could very well made carbon copies of himself minus the invincibility and power. We would all abide to his wishes and everything, but yet He didn't so. so it's a great thing really, to have minds of our own, we can think all we want, let our imagination roll a thousand miles before coming back down to earth and it's what that sets us apart from each other! the great thing is, despite all our freedom to think all we want, do whatever we want, it's still possible to come back to God, taking into account the thing that there's this conviction to make us do so. =)

rachel pek is priceless.. first thing she said to me over msn is, "Welcome back to civilisation." thanks, for implying dat im living in a cave all this while.

was sick today so didn't go to school but dat's all well by me, i would jump at any chance just to slack at home.

to a certain somebody (if you're reading this), pls change ur entire inr, or at least 99% of it, because dat's MY WORK! there is a certain limit to the amount of crap a person can take and somemore, im not a saint! btw, no hard feelings intended.

it's true that when u stray from God, as in stop praying for days straight, u'll find it hard to come back on track. has my high on God ended?

i need to sort out my school stuff but the sight of seemingly neverending piles of stuff from the past yr could really give one the dreaded creeps.

just wondering, what will happen when A levels are over, when its really time to stop wallowing in the sheltered haven of uniforms, books and academics? where will we go from there? hell, i don't even noe what is His plans for me.i hope it wun be too big of a shock though.

btw, im really, really proud to be in the arts stream. yeah, the only 'useful' subject seems to be econs and maths and my maths is like only H1 so ya. and i noe too of this thing about singaporeans, that those who go into the arts stream go there because they cannot go to the sci stream and so arts stream is the next best option should they want to be in a jc. yea, students of the sci stream have lots more choices of courses in uni and also plenty more job options. they would be able to snare the highest paying jobs such as architects, engineers blah. first day of primary school, what do your mama tell u? study hard, get good grades, which has the underlying meaning of 'graduate as as a uni student, get a good job, grab those promotions, stay rich and from there, find happiness from wealth comforts'. well, i dun give a f*cking damn abt dat. how can singaporeans be so pragmatic? is being successful in the workplace such an imp thing? i dun get it with this screwed up mentality. anw, ignore this part, it's just senseless rantings.

btw, how to get an A for gp? super impossible.

i got my internet back adi! apparently sth was installed wrongly dats y, well i dun understand all these stupid it stuff and i can't be bothered with them! haha, just give me a com with fast internet access and dat'll be fine..

i wrote some super emo poemsweeks before, i shall share one with the few ppl who bother to read my blog..

Isolation
Isolation has never been that real before
I thought it only applies to others
People who are always in the background
Their problems don't concern me
Now i truly noe exactly what it's like
Away, far far away form the crowd
Standing alone in a dark corner
With no one there except an unseen person
Yet the loneliness seems so great
It seems to be driving that very person away
They were merry-making, having fun
Creating stories of their own without me in the picture
Me, i'm merely the quiet observer
Invisible, gaining no recognition
I try to assimilate
By faking my smiles, my laughter
Yet dissociation seems to be my permanent fate
Breaking free is futile
My strength has run dry
Reaching the brink of hopelessness
I locked myself in and cemented the only exit
This place is bleak and holds no joy
Yet im willing to be here for eternity
At least i woulod be spared from all harsh realities
Set apart from others by the very remnants of my misery-savaged heart

and here's another one..

Is there an alternative way out?
Who destined my fate for me?
Who is the one who drove me to my desperate end?
The pitch darkness holds no joy for me
I see no promise of a future
The circumstances have led to this
I thought i had a choice but i was wrong
I had been forcibly kidnapped here
From my precious place of satisfaction to this ever-penetrating grim
At this stage I had only fate to blame
It's not me with the rottn ways and hardened heart
Fate is the culprit who tempted me and caused me to land in this state
Now it has left me with no choice again
What otehr way is there for me?
The answer is obvious to the blind
I took another step forward
Only bracing myself for the unbearable darkness again.

do ppl really change when they advance to another stage of their lives, when they finally get to savour the richness of the grass from the higher lands? or more specifically, do ppl change when they graduate and move on to a new school, esp a prestigious one? i suppose it varies from case to case and i really dun wan to think bad of anyone. yupps dats all. oh it's time for muttons to midnight! yea, love justin's voice. haha..

promos has long ended and ive gotten back my results last week. and im going to get promoted to J2! YIPEE! WOOTS! and i tout im going to retake my hist paper, turns out that i dun have to retake it at all! THANK GOD.

currently playing crazy taxi on psp.. planning to exercise but procrastinating seems to be in my blood.

i really really want to sleep early like around 12 but why do i always seem to be able to sleep at at least 2 am?

went to k with rp, sarah, yz, ivy, wn and sh. and it was so FUN.

btw, this is a really short post. ciao.

im going to start writing this first post of mine since a long long while by saying that my promos are over!! and i think im quite satisfied with how i fared although i can't be sure abt history. now, ive a complaint which i must get out. why is it that we arts students have this weirdest exam time-table? both econs and hist on the same day? granted, we have 3 days including the weekends to study for both subjects and there are 4 hours of break in between the two papers, but didn't it occur to their brains that the students might be dead tired after mugging for the two heavy subjects to be able to cope with the papers? imagine having to write 6 essays in a day! there may be geniuses who can write essays continuously without experiencing a brain-drain but not me. i just feel like taking a rest there and then in the middle of my sea hist paper! my poor right hand, i can practically hear its protests when im forcing it to continue writing. and i slept at 3 am so i only had at most 4 hours of sleep before i attempt the long day of papers. and i seriously think, no, i already know that im going to retake my hist paper. only a miracle would be able to let me get away with a mere passing grade this time.. but there's still my ct marks so it'll probably level things up, but i wun bank on that.. ok, my downfall started when i began to study for the jo qns when i already knew that that qns was set to kill idiotic students who even thought of attempting it. i haven't studied pre-war before so that's the only choice left. because my brain does not have enough intelligent grooves to be able to tackle the qns successfully, i ended up realising ive been going in the wrong direction half an hr into my writing it. and that's even after some mins of planning. then the usual exam stress began to poke its way through and create a mess on my nerves, i ended up writing 1 ga and 2 cs only. the truth is that i didn't complete my essay not because there wasn't enough time. if only i knew how to write it, then i would have probably written more of it. but since my small brain is made weary by that sickening ass who planned that time-table and since i tend to get a bit anxious at times, i found that i wasn't able to carry on writing. i just can't find any points for me to write. its that pathetic, both the essay qns and me, yupps. but since promos is already over i dun think it would be wise to be still harbouring over a lost cause. at least i can be sure that i wun be alone when i retake hist paper. i wun be that unfortunate to fail it the sec time!

going to buy the psp card tmr with meechay after service tmr, yeah! ive made a long list as to the various enriching activities i should be doing after my promos but for some reason i dun have any intentions of carrying them out. call me a lazy bum but i would like to think myself as a poor depraved person who couldn't live any further without her daily addiction of tv and com, esp after slogging her guts out for her exams. bwahaha!

one more thing before i retreat back to my fantasy world, it feels so weird to be posting on ur blog when u get the feeling that no one reads ur blog, or is it for a fact already? argh, and to think i spent some precious mins of my time writing them! well, i guess there are other more enjoyable stuff to be doing besides blogging, such as letting myself immerse in the fantasy world of anime. so long!