why is it that when i let my mind wander, i tend to think of depressing stuff? i suppose there are actually alot of things which we can think to occupy our minds with but somehow there are just a lot more moody stuff which surround me. the happy things which are worthwhile to think about are just too few for me to focus on, so the unhappy parts of life tend to stand out more. i don't like to think of myself as an emo person because i think that's totally uncool, unlike what some others think, as what is the point to live on earth if you don't enjoy it fully? our time here is short, even more so as a youth so for what reason are these emo teems being emo for? to me,these people who put on a depressed face everytime, they are just childish people who don't know how to treasure their lives and who think that by not smiling at the wonderful things around them and appreciating them they are being cool. well, i definitely don't want to be that type of person. if it's possible, i want to be an optimistic person, always thinking on the side of a glass half full of water rather than one half empty. but, why is it so difficult for me to be happy these days?

i wouldn't understand it last time when i hear of people leaving church for some reason. i couldn't get it why on earth would people who had known the truth and accepted it to be so hardhearted as to leave church, and eventually God. but now, i think i'm beginning to understand it, if it's only just a tip of the iceberg. people whom you see every sunday, they can just be hi and bye friends. people who actually call themselves your sisters in Christ, within a turn of the minute hand, can become someone whom you've known only for a passing moment. why is it that we humans are cold towards each other? why can't people just see each other for whom they actually are, without jumping to false conclusions or stereotypes? well, i suppose if that really can happen, we won't be called human beings, but angels.

cell is interesting, with dunlin talking about sexuality issues. i think the moe can just invite churches to talk to the students about sexuality education. what i learnt during this single session of cell can fully overtake what they try to pass off as something important for every student undergoing puberty, haha.

just finished watching hanazakari no kimitachi and i must say that J-dramas are much much better than those taiwanese ones. they are alot less draggy and can pass off lame scenes as being hilarious.

sometimes i'm afraid of knowing the truth, about what are God's actual plans for me, because i'm afraid that it would be something which i won't like, which i wouldn't really expect. right now in jc, it's the same with everybody else, we enter jc because we are not sure what are we going to do for a living in the future, either that, or for some other minor reasons. when it comes to choosing what uni course to take or what career are we going to have, most of us don't have a clue. i admire those people who are sure on what they are going to be in the future. they have guts, visions and ambitions, all of which i don't possess or maybe i did in the past, but have lost. but whenever i think of this, i really am glad, just of one reason. it's because i have God in my life. well, to others i may sound as though i'm bragging and being full of myself or just trying to be pseudo holy but it's not that. it's because i recognise that as a single human being with weaknesses and the ever-present possibility to make wrong decisions for myself, it is not enough to be on my own. when we come to the major crossroads in life, it is really a relief if you know that you have God to guide you. God never fails, He is the one who started this entire thing known as the universe so i doubt He wouldn't know what we should do with our lives. He understands us the best as He created each of us personally and He can read our thoughts. He knows our inner desires and what we yearn for. so He must be sure of what course or what job would suit us most perfectly. that is God himself, who knows only righteousness and His love for us.

Dear God, left or right, local or overseas, you tell me. i trust you with my heart, like when you gave me your life at the beginning. when all else fails, i know that i can always turn to you, you an ever-present source of comfort and shelter, you my sanctuary. thanks for being there for me even when i pushed you aside, thanks for your unwavering devotion. i know i'm unworthy of your love but God, you have made me worthy. your hime. =)

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/>> Nick's LIVE message at expo youth service 1.30 pm!

This is the live performance of the song 'little wing' by JAM project. They look like they're really enjoying their time performing on stage. I swear i lose my worries for a while just by watching them perform, and my favourite part is when the turquoise lights come out, the entire feel is made so very different and so damn nice. i think they successfully got the feeling of being free and exhilarated down. Songs like these really make your life on earth worthwhile. If only I could download this song!!!

I just love this song, it can make the day look just that bit brighter even when there's really a thunderstorm. Take That is the best boyband ever, even more so than backstreet boys!!




In contrast, the song below speaks of unrequited love. Since im a sucker for happy endings, i don't really like the contents but you have to admit, the lyrics are really beautifully written. Btw, Rivermaya is a band from the Philippines!! Cool, isn't it?

That's it, I've just sworn off eating at the famous golden arches for the rest of my life, if i want to keep it that is. I just watched the 2004 documentary made in the US, 'Super Size Me' and I think i'm permanently traumatised by it. Who knows what devillish schemes they are trying to carry out by globalising Macdonald's and sprouting their outlets faster than you can say,"I've got a blocked coronary artery".



Everyone's favourite mcnuggets contain over 30 ingredients each. The most prominent is tertiary butylhydroquinone (TBHQ). It is an antioxidant derived from petroleum that is either sprayed directly on the nugget or the inside of the box it comes in to ‘help preserve freshness'. In fact processed foods are alot more damaging to the body than unprocessed foods, as admitted by Macdonald's themselves.

subway, anyone?

It's difficult to please everyone simply because everyone is not each other and we are each unique individuals who hold our own views and have preferences of our own. that's why misunderstandings arise and conflicts occur. it's perfectly fine for someone to dislike another person but if you talk about that poor soul behind her back with your clser friends, that is definitely not right at all. other than the fact that it's very hurtful to the person being gossiped about, it is morally wrong to put the person in a bad light and everything without having the person to be there to defend herself, or to explain to the gossipers what things are actually like from her perspective. but i suppose gossipers start gossiping because they want to find some kind of comfort in knowing that someone else agrees with what she thinks about this particular person or if they are so chicken to confront that person face to face and tell her what exactly is wrong with her that makes her the target of slanderous words and untruths.

there is a thin line between gossiping and discussing about facts and i suppose the line between fine and morally challenging the boundaries is when you start to say your personal (and often very biased) views. i abhore gossipers. they are just a bunch of ppl who have nothing better to do and who hide from the real problem by not confronting the person, instead they get their small shallow hearts satisfied by slandering the person as and anyhow they like.

God Himself said, "Thou shall not bear false witness against your neighbor." (Exodus 20)

"A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret" (Proverbs 11:12-13).

http://www.gotquestions.org/gossip-Bible.html

Ha, turns out that i would be acting in one of the skits for DRAMAFEST 2008! actually, i am just satisfied with being one of the crew, silently lending my help to the prominent beings in the spotlight. however, i'll be sharing the spotlight this time too! haha, i sound as though im crazed about it.. and i am!! i have never acted in a true skit before in front of an audience (unless u count the *ahem* good old days *ahem* when i was in ccs in sec 1) yea, although my role is really really small, just a grocer known as a 'grocer' with no other characteristic name at all, i'm still so happy and elated! i didn't count in the fact that i would actually want to perform on stage, somemore i volunteered that role myself, to exchange with someone else who's less interested than me (haha, michelle!) below is the scene, i have about 4 to 5 lines and im glad that i can participate as one of the cast and dun have to carry so big a burden like the main leads..


scene 6: The grocery

*James approaches the grocer counter*

Grocer: Hey, James! NOw that's a rare sight. I usually see your dear wife Joyce around here instead!

James smiles forcefully): Well... Yes. I was wondering if you have any rat poison for sale. The missus wants it. Too many rats around these days.

Grocer (frowns): And i always thought Joyce was a too tidy to have rats around. Ah, well... Proves you can't beat them all... Filthy rats... Strange.. I swear she came down jsut a couple of days ago to get some rat poison... Your house must be ridden with rats...

*James clears his throat*

James: The poison?

Grocer: Oh yes! Sorry.

*Grocer takes poison out from beneath counter*

Grocer: There you go. 5 bucks please.

James: Gladly.

*James leaves the scene hurriedly*

*stage cleared*


There! 4 dialogues in total! and if u count the second dialogue as having more than one line then i suppose i have more than 4 lines! whootssss!!!!! im such an easily satisfied human being. and im so looking forward to wearing the daudy and baggy grocer's clothes... i adi have the image i my mind.. a brown sort of baggy dress with an apron over it! haha! but the play is set in modern times so i suppose anything casual would do. either way, im extremely fine, haha. it's so terribly fine! and i pray that 07A01's PLAY WOULD BE THE BEST AMONG ALL THE PLAYS PUT UP, excluding that by the teachers, haha!what for you put in effort in doing something, if you dun aim to be the best?

oh, and i just heard some surprising news from an ex sec shool classmate. one of the chem teachers who has taught us before has been sacked.. well, i suppose you can't really expect a teacher whose unsure of even what he's teaching to continue to be allowed a teaching post.. but i kin of feel sorry for him, well, reminds me of the time when he heard students gossipping abt him and he got hurt and angry.. anw, nhh business is not my business anymore and i dun have anything to do with it other than the fact that it has served as a vessel for part of my education for four years of my life. seriously, i dunno whats wrong with chi schools and conventy and st. schools. in chi schools, you have these spastic anti-christ authoritative figures asking teachers to take off their necklaces with a cross pendant and in schools which are supposed to be teaching good morals and stuff, you have the highest abortion rate (i got this info from a fren in hc) and the students are like all trying so hard to be americanized, with the slang and everything and looking down on ppl unlike them and stuff.. as in we're still living in the victorian age with the different classes, funny.

cell advance in another... 10 hrs and 15 mins!! hope i will come out unscathed and sane.

Is unforgiveness something you've been grappling with all this while? We may meet some people from our workplaces who just simply don't understand the meaning of irritating and obnoxious. Perhaps some of their actions have made us feel extremely angry or even hurt. They may have done it deliberately or unconsciously, but it still doesn't change the fact that they are simply some people on earth who either like to inflict hurt on other people and who take pleasure from others' pain (hedonistic, lol) or who does it without knowing that innocent actions on their part might hurt others around them. In whichever way it is, we cannot deny that we must have had some thoughts of unforgiveness and even ideas of taking revenge all these years in which we're living and interacting with people. We may not realise it, but constant feelings of unforgiveness can eat away slowly at our heart, preventing us from living our lives as we want. Should we want to proceed in our lives, we should not have any baggage pulling us back, and unforgiveness can be that obstacle which prevents us from going about our activites without anything hanging on our minds, eating away at our conscious. It can give us sleepless nights and cause us unnecessary stress. It can make us harbour thoughts of taking revenge on that particular person who always seem to make your life hell, or to a lesser extent, miserable. Well, whichever case, having unforgiveness in your heart is defintely not the kind of situation you want to be found in as it can be very time consuming as our mind revolves around the many unsolved issues we might have and it can cause us to be a negative person also. yeah and it won't be a nice sight if we walk around with a permanent black cloud following us around which threatens to rain on us every few minutes.

God created us not because He is a sadistic god who likes to see His own creations fight among themselves and try to kill each other off. He certainly does not want to see disharmony among family members and friends. God is just God as He is. He is willing to lay down His life for us, (although He wun ever die simply because He's God) because of the simple fact which many do not get it - He loves us. And that kind of love can only be found from God, you won't ever find it from a relationship with your other half, not even your parents. When we're faced with this perfect love, this amazing love which lasts forever, which is unconditional and which is selfless, forgiving someone seems easy. God's love can diminish all unforgiveness and all hatred, no matter how deep they are. But the tricky part is accepting His love for us. It is hard to acknowledge something which we can't even see. It's harder to believe in something which we can't see. But when we truly understand the extent of His love for us, His love would suffice, even at the moments when we feel most down. When we tell ourselves,"There is a god who is willing to lay down His life for such an unworthy me." Things would work out eventually and we would begin to even extend that same love, albeit it being on a smaller scale, to others, the people around us.

While we're facing unforgiveness towards someone, we could not come into terms with the fact that that person did something wrong, which we find simply unforgivable, which we
refuse to forgive because of our pride, because we often think," He/she is the one who did me unjustice in the first place so why should i forgive him/her?" Well, then going by your logic, God would have abandoned us already and just created a huge natural disaster or spread an epidemic to kill us all, because of all the atrocities we did and the blasphemous acts we did against Him. However, because of the grace which He had for us, He did not do so. In fact, He forgave us. Even in the face of excruciating pain, both physical and emotional, Jesus told His Heavenly Father,"Forgive them for they not know what're they doing." A heart as wide as His and grace as abundant as He has, for us who did such unpardonable acts, what else could we not forgive? Which act of our family members or our friends are simply that unforgivable that we harbour it in our hearts always, never willing to let it go? If the most major atrocities could be forgiven, whichever wrong doings could not be forgiven? We just have to come to terms with ourselves, maybe just as a last act pf spitefulness, tell ourselves that that person who did us unjustice does not deserve the time which we spent agonising on them, then simply know that the love of God is enough to fill our hearts with warmth and rid us of any remaining, stubborn feelings of unforgiveness.

http://news.sg.msn.com/regional/article.aspx?cp-documentid=1094199

yeah, singapore's situation sure is different from the western countries like america and our people basically think that it's alright fer the govt to do whatever they want as long as we are having a good life, the rest, we choose to let it go and pretend they truly want our happiness over personal gains, lol..

God is the one whom we can't see but we know for sure is there
He is the Creator who created the wonderful works of life around us
He blew life-giving breath into our otherwise soul-less shells
He gave us emotions, consciousness and the ability to trust and tell right from wrong
He gains his children not through fear and intimidation like false gods do
He guides his children through the stormy throes of their life
He provides protection for those who call out for Him
He comforts the down and shelters the weak
Without the desire for payment
All things He do He does out of kindness, out of thoughtfulness
Even when we turn our backs on Him
He doesn't give up on us
Even when we pray unto idols
He still remains by our sides
Never leaving, always willing and eager for us to turn back to Him
All for the desire for us to acknowledge Him, to love Him back like He loves us
Silent watcher, His grief no one knows
Yet He works constantly for us
Helping us in little ways we miss and take for granted
Oh dear dear God, You gave your entire heart to us
Yet we misplaced your love
Though the world will come to hear of your goodness one day
How long until that moment would that be?

ok, after two sessions of hospitality duty, what after-thoughts do i have? hmm, the word 'hospitality' obviously is a pre-requisite itself. people on duty (esp the frontliners, which im stuck doing for two times) must be so hospitable that the moment they smile it would be like the sun is covered by dark clouds as their smiles are so radiant and mesmerizing thereby creating a traffic jam as people are paralysed by their smiles. well just joking ( and it's quite a lame one btw). the thing i learnt is," never to take other people for granted, esp those wearing the *cough*nice*cough* green and yellow vests. it sure is irritating when u greet people the best u can and they just walk by and ignore you. well, most ppl will smile back and i have to admit, seeing ppl smile back at u makes you even more enthusiastic to greet the others. and u've got to think that it's not too bad after all, if we could just paste a smile on peoples' faces, despite its briefness. anw, this is from someone who doesn't like to show any form of friendliness towards random strangers whom she doesn't noe, so, yea.

http://www.ventoline.com/frozenbubble/bustamove640.html > (in courtesy of our dear michelle) for a great way to while time away.. i cleared level 5 and was completely zonked out by then.

apparently, my iq, according to one online iq test is 128. and that's pretty much in the normal range so i guess i have to give up the underlying fantasy of mine that i could be a true genius with her capabilities concealed all these years after all. try it fer urself! > http://iqtest.com/

i am a zombie sitting in front of the com with a hunchback and fighting the laws of gravity on her eyelids. ill either pass out in a few moments or say goodbye to my faithful com and go visit dreamland. ill go fer the latter.

i just finished watching the anime, scrapped princess! oh my it's such a great anime. the only unlovable thing about it is that it's too short! just 24 episodes! and why did fulle have to die??? i swear i emptied myself of a few kilograms of tears when he died. and im having problem downloading the soundtracks. they're really nice, esp the opening theme, little wing by JAM project.

i like immersing myself in alternate realities. it is when im watching anime (or reading manga) that i can get away from real life, albeit only for a few hours. if only things as described inside can be real, if only there really are worlds which run the way they do. different animes have different alternate settings and it sure would be interesting to experience them for myself as one of the characters! i dun have to be the main character just someone who happens to exist in that anime den ill be overjoyed already anw, i know what im saying now is really like crap. but that's the effect of animes on me, my head gets kind of fuzzy and i tend to think unrealistically. and i will have these 'what-if' scenarios in my head. like what if this didn't happen and what if sth happened the other way round. i will kind of get hung up over what happens in these fake settings that people create, rather than concern myself with real stuff happening around the world. actually, things in other parts of the world can be interesting too, although they are interesting in other ways. and they can get scary at times. if a war is started in real life, the fate of the people involved in the war is in the hands of the decision-makers and God too, i guess. no one else can have a hand in changing things the way they're happening, unlike in stories which we create. yes we can get sad for a while when upsetting thingshappened in stories but then that's when the line between reality and fantasies come in. we know when to stop deluding ourselves and when to snap us out of the upsetting things that happened in the storyline as after all, in real life, none of these things even exist.

my fave animes which ill die several times over to watch: full-metal alchemist, bleach, scra-prin, rurouni kenshin... there are alot more animes which i think are nice but the nicest are those with lots of drama and action. i dun like romantic storylines at all. following the love lives of average people (even though they can be beautiful) are so idiotic. that's why i like animes with dramatic effects and fabulous fighting scenes better, haha, not to mention that im kind of sadistic when it comes to gross things. anw why is it that i like playing gta (when all the sadistic killing comes) when im afraid of cockroaches? lizards are ok. they just look disgusting that's all but they dun exactly comes chasing after you and they only stay on the wall, as long as you keep away from the walls it's fine, oh, other than the disgusting sound that they make, they're really ok, at least they are tolerable. but cockroaches? they move a lot faster than lizards, they have an even more disgusting appearance than lizards (if that's even possible) and to top it off, they can fly. ok, im making them sound as though they are super heroes or sth but they are not, they are far from that. in fact they are the scum of the earth. i dun even understand why God created these gross things in the first place. meadows, forests, beautiful landscapes, interesting animals i understand but cockroaches?? other than going around and scaring people they really are the most useless living things on earth. oh, and dun tell me abt the benefits they bring to mankind by helping to decompose our waste materials and all that. living things which actually like living among the very foul things on earth have no worth mentioning at all. oh, and did i mention that they can actually live for a few weeks with their heads cut off? it's really amazing, for them to possess such a wonderful skill of survival, not.

this post is going nowhere. but sometimes i like writing this kind of senseless stuff, takes my mind off things, haha.

the entire world can be against you and you can still get the strength to go on from our loved ones but what if one day, the very people we thought are our friends decide to betray us? when that happens, will our definition of justice become blurred and will past history make us lose faith in the people entangled with our lives?

everywhere we go, there will always be politics going on. even among seemingly friendly people, there can exist pretenses and well put up facades, appearances of innocence, appearances of close relationships.but you cannot stop scheming minds from churning out evil intentions and motives. that's the sad thing that exist in civilised societies and we still dare to call ourselves highly developed and civilised? in schools, even stuff like backstabbing and malicious gossips happen and the worse is yet to come, when we go out to the real world to work. there, i suppose the game of survival of the fittest will take on a different meaning.

i saw an article on the govt controlled newspapers(and the only local one we had in singapore) some time ago. it is about the structure of english esays. since when we were in primary school, essays have been in a fixed stucture, intro, body and conclusion, or the intro, the elaboration and the conclution. yes, i felt much for this crappish rule that they had that's y i have to write this in my blog. i once wrote a compo based on the them gossip in an exam in sec 4 last yr. BUT i only got a passing rate. i enjoyed myself immensely while writing dat and i tout that i would get a great mark for it since it had witty humour in it, somemore, i think i had an interesting plot. BUT my essay didn't go through the 'normal' flow of what essays should be and hence the very disappointing grade. i was so so so so so disappointed LA!!! DAMN!!!!!! actually i dunno why am i feeling so agitated over sth which happened so long ago. i guess it's cos i got reminded of the fact that creativity can never be appreciated in establishments. furthermore, im just a young student who is not supposed to be entitled to any room for creating anything opposed to what the establishment has set. i still rmb the marker's comments, that i had written a flawless piece but then there's no proper climax, moral statement.. that kind of thing. BULLSHIT.

i seem to have written a long post. i doubt anyone would be interested in what i write but oh well, it's all for my enjoyment. haha!

www.reezalis.blogspot.com > another blog to put stupid personality tests and quizes.. i love wasting my time doing these!

are the people of our country really like what the others say-stupid? our youngsters may be more concerned about their school life and the entertainment news but are they actually apathetic to politics? how about the grown-ups? do they really know what's going on around the country in the way we are being ran, or are they just pretending that everything is alright and that we shouldn't do anything to break this peace and prosperity. sure a maximum govt is different from an authoritative govt but it is only better than the latter by a fine line. what's with the salary increase of white collars? what's with the number of people recruited to run such a small country anyway? sure, God gave our leaders the right and authority to rule over us, to determine our happiness but sometimes it really is difficult to continue thinking that the ppl who run our country is really that great. they brought us independence and advancement into a first-world country but there could be further democracy, in the form of transparency. what's with the scandal regarding public donations? had the man who masterminded the whole thing got what he truly deserved? the extension of retirement age for our senior citizens, why is i that the more i think, the more i see it as a heartless sort of law. poor me, how long do i have to work exactly before i can finally retire and enjoy the fruits of my labour? and what do our dear white collars do? present their causes passionately to work towards the happiness of the people? not. sure, we enjoy a good life, but at the cost of what? i suppose, being dumbos in an enclosed world is pretty enjoyable too.

storms seem the worst when u're going through it, but it doesn't mean that the sun will never rise. in fact, the sun will shine even brighter..

life is like a 'create your own adventure' story book, you just have to make the right choices. even when a step takes you in a bad direction, you can always make your own choices to make it right again..

after a tsunami comes the calm and we would never know when the next tsunami might strike again. but we can always make use of all the time we have to just be true to ourselves and be satisfied with what we have..

walking ahead towards the large expanse of road before us is always easier then having to retrace our steps and return. so it is always better to think carefully before we do/say anything in case we have any regrets..

the moon looks so bright up there in the night sky but have anyone wondered whether it is lonely at all? not everything seems as perfect as it seems on the exterior, same goes for people, you would never imagine the inner struggles a seemingly perfect person might have..

having to walk at a faster pace than our legs could carry could prove to be disastrous. do only what your legs are capable of and dun overstimate yourself.. but keep on the look out for opportunites to sprint..

im trying to be philosophical here, but i think the end product is somewhat corny. haha!