why is it that when i let my mind wander, i tend to think of depressing stuff? i suppose there are actually alot of things which we can think to occupy our minds with but somehow there are just a lot more moody stuff which surround me. the happy things which are worthwhile to think about are just too few for me to focus on, so the unhappy parts of life tend to stand out more. i don't like to think of myself as an emo person because i think that's totally uncool, unlike what some others think, as what is the point to live on earth if you don't enjoy it fully? our time here is short, even more so as a youth so for what reason are these emo teems being emo for? to me,these people who put on a depressed face everytime, they are just childish people who don't know how to treasure their lives and who think that by not smiling at the wonderful things around them and appreciating them they are being cool. well, i definitely don't want to be that type of person. if it's possible, i want to be an optimistic person, always thinking on the side of a glass half full of water rather than one half empty. but, why is it so difficult for me to be happy these days?

i wouldn't understand it last time when i hear of people leaving church for some reason. i couldn't get it why on earth would people who had known the truth and accepted it to be so hardhearted as to leave church, and eventually God. but now, i think i'm beginning to understand it, if it's only just a tip of the iceberg. people whom you see every sunday, they can just be hi and bye friends. people who actually call themselves your sisters in Christ, within a turn of the minute hand, can become someone whom you've known only for a passing moment. why is it that we humans are cold towards each other? why can't people just see each other for whom they actually are, without jumping to false conclusions or stereotypes? well, i suppose if that really can happen, we won't be called human beings, but angels.

cell is interesting, with dunlin talking about sexuality issues. i think the moe can just invite churches to talk to the students about sexuality education. what i learnt during this single session of cell can fully overtake what they try to pass off as something important for every student undergoing puberty, haha.

just finished watching hanazakari no kimitachi and i must say that J-dramas are much much better than those taiwanese ones. they are alot less draggy and can pass off lame scenes as being hilarious.

sometimes i'm afraid of knowing the truth, about what are God's actual plans for me, because i'm afraid that it would be something which i won't like, which i wouldn't really expect. right now in jc, it's the same with everybody else, we enter jc because we are not sure what are we going to do for a living in the future, either that, or for some other minor reasons. when it comes to choosing what uni course to take or what career are we going to have, most of us don't have a clue. i admire those people who are sure on what they are going to be in the future. they have guts, visions and ambitions, all of which i don't possess or maybe i did in the past, but have lost. but whenever i think of this, i really am glad, just of one reason. it's because i have God in my life. well, to others i may sound as though i'm bragging and being full of myself or just trying to be pseudo holy but it's not that. it's because i recognise that as a single human being with weaknesses and the ever-present possibility to make wrong decisions for myself, it is not enough to be on my own. when we come to the major crossroads in life, it is really a relief if you know that you have God to guide you. God never fails, He is the one who started this entire thing known as the universe so i doubt He wouldn't know what we should do with our lives. He understands us the best as He created each of us personally and He can read our thoughts. He knows our inner desires and what we yearn for. so He must be sure of what course or what job would suit us most perfectly. that is God himself, who knows only righteousness and His love for us.

Dear God, left or right, local or overseas, you tell me. i trust you with my heart, like when you gave me your life at the beginning. when all else fails, i know that i can always turn to you, you an ever-present source of comfort and shelter, you my sanctuary. thanks for being there for me even when i pushed you aside, thanks for your unwavering devotion. i know i'm unworthy of your love but God, you have made me worthy. your hime. =)

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/>> Nick's LIVE message at expo youth service 1.30 pm!